(calm) Like a Bomb

You wonder why I sleep with a goddam 357 Magnum under my pillow and a fucking Mossberg shotgun under my bed. Well if you had as many people sneak into your room as I did when I was a kid, you’d have some issues too. I’m surprised I don’t have a fuckin twitch or something. The worst one was about a week or so before my twelfth birthday. I was asleep in my bed minding my own business when all of a sudden I hear this scraping sound and then it feels like someone just set a sack of potatoes on top of my chest. I open my eyes and I see this face just lookin at me, like inches away from my own. He was so close I could smell what he ate for dinner. It was chili-fries and a shit load of cigarettes, mentholated if I’m not mistaken.

The guy turns his head a little and I see that little patch of white hair on the side like an island in a black sea of low cut hair and I know that it’s Isaac. What the fuck! The sonofabitch snuck in through my fuckin window and was sitting on top of me in my bed, watching me sleep. Who the fuck does that? Keep in mind, Isaac is like three years older than me so chances are it’s better shit he could be doing at night than sneaking into people’s houses and scaring the shit outta them. Then again, it doesn’t really surprise me. Isaac’s always been a fuckin psycho as long as I knew him. This one time he and his buddy Drew were walkin down the sidewalk and they came across this little retarded kid eating one of those fudgesicle ice cream things. Think he had autism or something. So the two of them start harassing the poor kid and knock his ice cream outta his hand. And to add insult to injury they make the kid get down on his hands and knees and lick the fudgesicle off of the damn sidewalk. Bastards. Even I wouldn’t do some shit like that, not to a retarded kid at least.

And so now this same asshole’s in my bedroom. Before I could scream the sonofabitch put’s his hand over my mouth. I don’t know what the fuck he does all day for his hands to be all ashy like that. They were like dried leather mixed with sandpaper or something. You could smell the ash from his smokes just radiating from his fuckin cuticles, the shit was disgusting. Now as you know I’ve never been the type to take some shit like that lying down, no pun intended, so I tried to push him off me. But I was still pretty scrawny at that point, I mean I had muscles but it wasn’t nothing compared to him. The funny thing is that about two years later I was actually strong enough to kick his ass. But not at that point. I try to push him off me and he reaches into the back of his waistband and pulls out this big ass knife. It looked like he swiped it from somebody’s kitchen, buried the shit for about a year and then dug it up and wrapped the handle in tape. The blade was all jacked up and it was all rusty and shit.

The sonofabitch puts the edge of the knife right next to my cheek and says, “Stop or I’ll cut yer fuckin nose off.”

He took his hand off my mouth when I stopped trying to fight back. As soon as he did that I go, “What the fuck’s goin on! Get off me you psycho!”

He tells me to shut the fuck up and stop moving around, spit spraying outta his mouth when he talks. God I hate that shit. His breath just keeps hitting me in the face with that chili-fries mixed with tobacco and beer smell when he goes, “You don’t know me. You don’t know what kinda shit I’m into.”

“I know you’re a fuckin asshole, I can tell ya that. Now get off me!”

I tried to twist myself free again but he just puts that knife of his next to my neck. Then he grabs both my wrists and pins my arms above my head so I can’t move. After that he doesn’t say anything for a while, just stares at me like a cat watching a mouse die or something.

I told him to let go of me and he just says “Not til you calm the fuck down. That’s yer problem. Always tryin to start shit with people when you just need to chill the fuck out.”

“What’re you talkin about? I was asleep jus a minute ago. That’s about as calm as I can be. You’re the one that snuck in my damn room. Now lemme go!”

“I told you, not til you’re calm.”

I didn’t say anything for a minute, just sorta looked at him with this really salty look. And of course he’s a fuckin psycho so his ass was just smiling the whole time. Then about a minute or so later he asks me, “are you calm?”

“Like a bomb.”

He starts laughing. “You’re funny. A real tough guy, huh? I see tough guys like you in the street and I slap the shit outta them.”

“Well why don’t you put the knife down and we’ll see.” I was all talk back then. We both knew Isaac could kick my ass eight ways to Sunday, or however the fuck that saying goes. But when you’re dealing with people like Isaac, you gotta at least pretend you can hold your own. If you let assholes like him walk all over you, you’ll get no respect and pretty soon the whole neighborhood starts treatin you like a bitch. Even if you do get your ass whooped people will still respect you for at least trying to defend yourself, just as long as you got heart.

Isaac tells me he doesn’t need the knife to fuck me up, says it’s just collateral or something stupid like that. Dumbass, probably can’t even spell collateral. I asked him why he’s here and says it’s because he wants me to stop talking to Naomi. Can you believe that shit? I’ve never even seen him talk to Nye before, or any girl for that matter. But now he’s gonna get jealous of me just because I was fuckin her and he wasn’t. Bitch ass nigga, it’s wasn’t my fault his game was so weak. Maybe if he’d quit sneakin into people’s bedrooms and waiving his goddam knife in their faces girls might like him a little bit more.

I told him, “Nye doesn’t even like you. She thinks you’re a punk, jus like everybody else.”

All he said was, “Nu-uh,” like a dumbass. I hate when people answer like that, it’s like their three years old again, fuckin morons.

“Yeah she does. She thinks yer a punk. And she knows you only mess with little kids cuz you’ll get your ass beat by dudes your own age.” I don’t know why I was so brave like that, talking so much shit to dangerous people. I need to stop doing that, it’s never been good for my health.

Isaac grabbed my throat when I said that shit. And god I hate it when people grab my throat. It takes a lot to piss me off, well okay that’s not true, but it takes a lot to really piss me off. You’d have to really be invading my personal space to make me lose it. And for me it’s nothing more invasive than grabbing my fucking throat. I’ve hated that shit since I was little and it’s gotten me into trouble a few times.

Like this one time I was at this club in the Netherlands with these to fine ass Russian bitches. They looked like models but so do all the females in that city. The club was nice, but the security was buggin the way they kept snatching motherfuckers from off the dance floor and tossing they asses into the street. It’s funny as hell to watch but I didn’t want that shit to happen to me so I decided to jus chill at one of the tables and order some of that Absinthe shit for me and those two hoes because I’d never tried it before. So all of a sudden this little five foot tall Albanian dude walks up to my table. He’s lookin like a clown with his leather suit and his tiny mustache and his hair all slicked up and shit. And that bitch had his two body guards, one black dude who looked like Michael Clark Duncan on steroids and the white dude who kinda looked like Ric Flair from the WWE if only he shaved his head and stopped wearing all that crazy feathery shit. The short dude said something to me in Albanian. I didn’t have a perfect understanding of what he said, but from what I gathered he was calling me a asshole and telling me to get the fuck outta his club. I used what little Albanian I could speak to tell him to go have intercourse with himself. He didn’t appreciate that very much cuz the next thing I know he’s grabbing me by the throat and trying to pull me up from the table. I went postal when he did that shit. I lifted him up in the air like he was a little kid and I slammed his ass onto the table. I broke the goddam table and his ass didn’t get back up. For a minute I was feeling pretty good about myself, but then those two body guards threw my ass on the ground and started kicking the shit outta me. I probably would’ve died if I didn’t have my baby eagle on me. It’s ridiculous how many close calls I’ve had cuz I can’t deal with people touching my neck. I should probably be dead right now.

So anyway, Isaac’s squeezing my throat. Needless to say I had a sudden urge to gouge that motherfucker’s eyes out with a spoon. And believe me I would’ve done it too if he didn’t have that goddam knife, and you know, if I had a spoon handy. I grabbed his wrist, but as you know I was weak as hell compared to him so it wasn’t really shit I could do to help myself. Isaac starts smiling like the psychotic asshole he was, watching my ass squirming and gasping, trying not to pass out. He leans in closer so his face is like, inches away from mine. My eyes start watering cuz his breath smells so bad.

Then Isaac says, “You bitch ass, pretty boy, light skinned niggas. You think you can jus come into this neighborhood and do whatever the fuck you want? Act like you run shit here? Well you can’t. It’s rules to this shit and if you don’t follow em somebody’s gonna body you.”

I start coughin my goddam lungs out and then my eyes start watering so much I got fuckin tears pouring down my face. I wasn’t crying cuz I was scared though, just to get that shit straight. I was crying cuz his breath smelled so bad. I started getting lightheaded and the room kept getting darker, I mean the room was already dark but it was like this fuckin black fog was creeping in from the corner of my eyes til I couldn’t see nothing. I was praying for Gabe to hear what was goin on and come help me, but knowing his ass he probably wasn’t gonna be back at the apartment til at least four in the morning. Isaac said something again, but through the sound of my own heartbeat it was a real shallow echo but it sounded like he said “Now, tell me you love me.”

I asked him what he said and he goes, “you heard me, nigga. Tell me you love me.”

He loosens his grip on my throat and I start coughing again. Once I’m breathing normal again I start screaming. “I don’t! I fuckin hate you! Get the hell off me! Lemme Go!”

Isaac stabbed my pillow with his crazy knife, inches away from my head. The fuckin maniac, he could’ve taken out my damn eye with that shit.

“Stop cryin!” he yelled.

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are! Now say you love me or the next one’s goin in yer skull.”

I just looked at him for a minute, thinkin about number problems in my head which is what I always do when I’m about to have a panic attack. I thought if I tried hard enough I could find a numerical resolution to this bullshit. Isaac shook me again. “Say it!”

I whispered I love you real low. He leaned in closer to me and said, “What was that?”

“I love you.”

He leaned in even closer with his forearm across my throat. I thought he was gonna try some gay shit cuz his nose was almost touching mine. I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle some shit like that. He whispered again. “I can’t hear you.”

“I LOVE YOU!”

Isaac chuckled. “Now gimme a kiss.”

“Fuck you!”

He leaned back and started laughing real loud. I felt like I needed to take a shower all of a sudden, got that real grimy feeling like I’d been wearing the same drawers for a couple weeks or something.

Isaac kept laughing like a dumbass while he tucked the knife back into his waistband. “You little faggot. Bet you wish you could kiss me, don’t you?”

“Jus get the fuck out my room.”

“Yeah, you do. I can feel it.”

Isaac finally got his ass off me. He started walking to my window and then turned back around. “Remember what I said. Stop talkin to Naomi.”

“Whatever, jus go.”

Isaac crawled out the damn window and I ran over there and shut it behind him. Made sure I locked it this time. After that I didn’t know what to do with myself so I started pacing back and forth like a maniac. I was mad as fuck, too mad to go back to sleep, but I didn’t wanna throw another fit and start wrecking all my stuff again. I usually try to draw a picture when I’m that mad, but I was too sleepy to draw. I didn’t wanna be by myself anymore, needed somebody to chill with and take my mind away from that room. I didn’t wanna wake Nye up, so I threw on some clothes and went over to Joseph’s place instead. I knew he’d be awake, he was like an insomniac or something. I don’t know when that kid ever went to sleep, but I knew he’d be cool with me coming over and just hanging out for a little while. Joe was practicing his guitar when I got there. I asked him if I could spend the night and he said it was cool. Larry was already asleep in his bed, but Joe had some extra sheets and a pillow so I could sleep on the floor. We just sat there and talked for a little bit before I went to sleep, Larry in the other bed snoring his ass off. I could tell Joe knew something was wrong, but he never asked what it was. Good thing too, cuz I probably wouldn’t have told him.

An Isaac encounter’s not exactly the sorta thing you wanna talk to your boys about, even though pretty much every kid in the neighborhood’s had one at some point or another. Weird ass dude, that Isaac kid. You could never get away from him cuz he was literally everywhere you went, him and that buddy of his. He was at the ball court, harassing little kids at the park, settin shit on fire in the aqueduct. It was horrible. And he seemed to have it in for me especially. When it was a lotta people around he’d usually just crack jokes or something. But if he ever caught me with no one else around he’d pull on my cornbraids, spit on me, punch me in the stomach or try to pick me up by my underwear or something like that. He choked me out a few times too which was worse than anything. When he had that Drew kid with him they’d hold me down and then Isaac would pull my shirt over my head and slap me on my belly til my skin turned red. He said cuz I was light skinned he’d be able to see a nice handprint on there.

And when he wasn’t finding new ways to torture me, he’d just sit there and stare at me. Sometimes I thought that shit was worse than the bullying. I’d see him sittin on the bleachers at the ball courts or leaning up against the wall or something and he’d just stare at me, like I was a piece of meat or something. I never really thought about it before, but I don’t ever remember seeing him stare at anybody else like that. Now that I think about it, it’s kinda weird how interested he was in me. I wonder what he was doing in my room before I woke up. Aw shit. Let’s talk about something else.

((edit: Changed "glock 17" to "357 Magnum" because Daniel would want a gun with more stopping power for home defense))